Facebook

I was on Facebook just now and I got to wonderin'... is everyone on FB as incredibly happy as they claim to be? I looked at my profile and asked myself the same question. Am I really as happy as my profile says?
How can we tell in these days when people just "brag" about themselves? Are we truly a happier generation or are we just satisfying the need to fit in by claiming to be so happy and popular?

I randomly asked my boyfriend today a question most girls would call a no-no. I said:
"Realistically, when do you think you will propose to me?"
He said "I don't know."
And I know him well enough to know that he wasn't just saying that because he already secretly had the ring stashed in his closet, but because he truly genuinely didn't know.
He asked me the same question. I said "I don't know," but I think more out of aggrivation than true uncertainty.

So, I may not have a lot of friends these days, but most of my acquaintances are tying the knot this summer after graduation. I know that I'm not ready to be married this summer like they are, but then I ask myself, when? I can't wait forever and I do want to get married and all the good stuff.
I want proposal, engagement, bridal shower, bachelorette party, all those things that no one in my family has really ever had - we're Mexican for crying out loud, everyone just got married at court because there was never enough money to afford a nice wedding.

Now, my best friend is talking marriage and she has only been with her boyfriend a couple months. She said she could see it happening in 2012. I'm pretty confident that most of my friends will be married before me, and it's not that I'm going to be jealous, but I will be a little angry, I suppose. Who wouldn't? I've been with E almost 4 years now and we've talked about getting married, talked about having kids, hell, we alread have three dogs together, but I'm sort of confused -- does he just assume that I'll always be around so there is no need to jump the gun? Or is he genuinely concerned with money and shit that he doesn't want to do all that hoopla until we can afford it. I understand all of that - I want nice things too, but if we started saving our pennies now, who is to say that we couldn't have a decent wedding by this time next year? He gave me a promise ring after two years together, and it's nearing the four year mark, so I'm just wondering.....

Am I being too harsh? Am I asking too much?
A part of me wants to be young and brash and go out and enjoy the world, but another says, we love each other, why not do it together? When I really think about, I think I want a wedding more than a marriage right now. I want the thrill of the engagement, planning, picking out dresses and wedding rings... but then what? Does it go downhill? I'm just a little worried if you can't tell. I'm sure he is too.

Does anyone else have these insecurities? If you met me, you would think I was perfectly content with shackin' up, which I am, but I'm just wondering what happens next? And then, I get this sick feeling in my stomach that tells me I am impossible to please. Do I just want to get married to show on my profile how genuinely happy I am??

I'm deleting that shit. Who needs to know anyway? I'm happy, but do I say that just to tell myself...?

Talk about question of the year!