Banquet

It's 11:30 here and I haven't yet made a new friend like I promised I would... this experiment is going to be harder than I thought. Sometimes I just really hate people. Especially the ones I go to school with! Ugggggh.

Yesterday I went to a banquet and was "mingling" just as they asked us to. But just as I was mingling with a guy and girl who had another campus organization in common, I was kicked out by default. So, I grabbed my wine glass and left very un-dramatically but much like what I would imagine a wino to do.

I went to talk to Amanda, sweet, sweet Amanda, the All-American girl who wouldn't deny the conversation of anyone!!!! Her and I have on occasion met in the girls bathroom at the Student Union Building (by chance!) where we attempt a conversation while washing our hands and reapplying lip gloss. I offered to bring her another glass of wine and then I immediately felt back to my pushover self.. but I did OFFER and she didn't ask me to play fetch. And she said "Oh, you are so sweet. Thank you!" Damn story of my life.

Then, we sat at our tables. Dateless, because my boyfriend will not pay $25 for a plate nor attend anything formal (I'll get to him later), I sat at a table with 3 other current memebers and one new member with her mom and grandma. Lucky me. I somehow can NOT talk to people my age and though I was squished between two relatively attractive and soon-to-be very successful young men, I found myself in conversation with Mom across the table. Oh my! There I go again..

I did attempt a conversation with the two guys though. The one on my right told me all about his twin brother teaching English in Japan and how his parents who work for the government relocated to Japan to be near him. Then he went on to explain to me how he has a job lined up starting in September with NASA. He attended high school entirely in Brazil and nothing is really that big of a deal for him... I was really enjoying hearing his stories, but then felt some insecurity just being in his presence. Surely he was just talking himself UP (something people in Lubbock do ALL THE F-ing TIME), but he wasn't really asking me many questions about myself and I don't feel comfortable just spilling these details uninvitingly. Can someone please tell me how to converse!!!!! Should I have made this conversation equally as much about me? I'm nowhere near that intersting, what would I have to say?

The food was really good, but about midway between the second course, I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. Oh great! I had a pain in my abdomen that felt like cramps - lovely!

I pushed my plate away discreetly, the waiter came and took it up, and I left to the bathroom thinking that Mom would be concerned at the thought that I might be bulemic or something. Whatever. I went to the restroom where I happened to make small-talk while washing my hands and reapplying my lip gloss.

Upon my return to the table, I was called up to receive my award for being the "most lovely" Historian who did nearly nothing for the group. And not even before the applause from the entire thing died down, I was clenching my purse and flying down the stairs to my car. Booo.

Final Thoughts: I made conversation with new people, but I can't say it was entirely because of my own effort. It was conversation of convenience... much like what I criticize people for doing. I should work on that and stop my hypocrisy!!!!!!