Mud Or Stars?

I'm not sure, I understand this analogy, but I'm reading "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dallow and I figured I would take her challenge to write both sides of the story.
How do you categorize your life? That's such a broad question!
So here goes the mud:
I'm so lost and confused. I feel like I'm in a waiting room just waiting for who knows what! I have people who love me and people who I love that are all far, far away. I can't seem to stand the person that I spend most of my time with here. And yet, if I stay in this stressful job for another year, I know I will have another 365 days of listening to her "blissfully" plan her lavish wedding with myself as yet ANOTHER pathetic bridesmaid who will probably show up dateless because my boyfriend lives so far away. Everything about my life right now is mediocre, mundane, and routine. I cannot find a way to get by and be happy and see the joy in things. Not anymore. Not with all this other crap clouding the beauty. I will be getting a biopsy soon for breast cancer. I have no money to pay for the repair that needs to be done on my brakes. Because of the brakes issue, I cannot go see my boyfriend for Valentine's Day and I will be stuck here in this apartment with my roommate. Ideal, right?

Ok, now for the stars:
(Wow, its actually taking me a while to get this one started -- Linda said, 'which do you spend most of your time dwelling on?' Well, now it's obvious.)
I have a well-paying job. I get to be a part of a movement that allows children of all races and socio-economic levels to have an excellent education. I have a boyfriend many miles away who loves me. He came to visit me on Friday and we had a wonderful weekend. I am alive. I have started gardening.

So, it's clear that I dwell on the negative. It's so difficult to see the positive... when all this shit around me seems to be falling and crashing down. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I need to be more positive. I'm driving my boyfriend away. Sometimes I say things on the phone with him that I don't even realize. Today, I said "I'm such a horrible person." OUT OF NOWHERE! And he responded with "If you're going to act like that, let's just hang up, because I don't want to hear the negativity." Yeah, his response made me cry. How could he be so insensitive? But, he knows me all too well and I need to be slapped in the face every now and then.

As I'm writing and reflecting, I'm still actually reading the book and I just now realized where the analogy came from:

Two women looked through prison bars
One saw mud, the other say stars.

Each of us has a choice about how we LOOK AT life. We can focus on the mud or lift our eyes and see the stars. I want to see the stars soooo badly. God, please help me see the stars.